The First 365

A couple of days back I celebrated my first anniversary in my new department.

1 August 2017 marked a year since I left the relative comfort of my previous department for a new one in a completely different field.

In an instant, I went from being the senior in the department to the junior.

From the one whom very few questioned to the one no one listens to.

From subject matter expert to new kid on the block.

365 days later, the same still applies. I'm still the one no one listens to. Still the new kid on the block.

It's been a hell of a roller-coaster journey thus far, fraught with challenges (but what isn't?) and there's certainly been more downs than ups.

I dislike how I get anxiety attacks in the middle of the night just thinking about work. I dislike how I wake up every day feeling so much dread to the extent that I feel like calling in sick (I finally did that today). I dislike how when I sleep, my dreams are about the proposals waiting at work. 

I detest how everybody else at my new place seems to have the talent of being supremely confident even when they have little to no substance and how everybody can make it seem like they're right all the time, although I think that is more down to a frustration at my own inability to have that swagger that is sort of a pre-requisite for being in this fraternity.

But regrets?

None.

Never.

Despite the anxiety attacks, the dread, the endless streams of proposals that no one else cares about, this has been an important journey of self-discovery.

I've learnt more about myself in the past year than the five in the previous department. I will look back at this time someday and realize that I learnt plenty of lessons in life, leadership and friendship here.

I am sure there will plenty more to be learnt moving forward.

I do not know if I will be here in this department (or indeed the company) in another 365, but for now, here's to the first 365.